Redneck Computer Terms

"Hard drive" --
Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

"Keyboard" --
1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em.

"Window" --
Place in the truck to hang your guns.

"Floppy" --
When you run out of Polygrip.

"Modem" --
1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
2. What you did to da hay fields last July.

"ROM" --
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

"Byte" --
First word in a kiss-off phrase.

"Reboot" --
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

"Network" --
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.

"Mouse" --
1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.

"LAN" --
To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

"Cursor" --
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

"Bit" --
A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."

"Digital Control" --
What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

"Packet" --
What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

"Tab" --
The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.

"Space bar" --
Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.

"Backspace" --
The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.

"Alt" --
Form of verb "be" like, "I alt be gone now."

"Delete" --
The lighter object like, "Don't gimmy the heavy one, gimmy delete one."

"My Briefcase" --
What you put all your ol' stuff in when "she" gets mad at you.

"Shift" --
What you must do when blue lights come on.

"Disc" --
What you do before you plow, to level the ground.

"Ram" --
1. Dodge pick up truck.
2. Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work.

"Rom" --
Wander: "Wher' ya goin?" "Ah dunnow. Recon I'll jus rom round"

"Refresh" --
Mix another Jack Daniels and 7.

"Browser" --
Bowser's name when you're drunk.

"Web" --
DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods.

"Edit" --
Past tense of "eat" "Wher'd that leftover possum belly go?" " You edit afore you passed out las nite.

"Gig" --
Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs.

"Internet" --
Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).

"Buddy list" --
Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole.

"Tab" --
Anceint soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin.

"Computer Chips" --
What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips.

"Shift" --
What you do to get that truck to go.

"Ins" --
To Enter, as in, "Ins ya go, outs you go".

"Scanner" --
1. What you do to a good lookin' woman.
2. What you listen to the police band on.

"Log On" --
Making da wood stove hotter.

"Log Off " --
Don't add wood.

"Monitor" --
1. Keep an eye on da wood stove.
2. What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin.

"Megahertz" --
When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning.

"Floppy Disk" --
What you get from piling too much wood.

"Drive" --
Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky.

"Prompt" --
What you wish da mail was during the snow season.

"Enter" --
Come on in.

"Windows" --
What you shut when it gets 10 below.

"Screen" --
What is a must during black fly season.

"Chip" --
What you munch during Wildcat's games.

"Microchip" --
What's left in da bag when da chips are gone.

"Dot Matrix" --
Eino Matrix's wife.

"Laptop" --
Where da grandkids sit.

"Software" --
Them plastic picnic utensils, eh?.

"Mainframe" --
Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof.

"Port" --
Where da commercial fishin boats dock.

"Random Access Memory" --
Whan you can't remember how much you spent on da new deer rifle when Wifee asks about it.

"Fonts" --
That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days.

"Laptop" --
Where the stripper sits.

"ISDN" --
Acronym for comprehension as in "ISDN tat da fuse ought to be longer nexted time".

"Backspace" --
How much more you can fit in the truck.

"Num Lock" --
What you have to take off a pistol to shoot it.

"Ctrl" --
What you don't have when driving in the snow.

"Escape" --
What you have to do from the wife to go drinkin' with the boys.

I shre hope that uns injoys all tht you sees hears.
billyjoe bob
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