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THE HOSPITAL  Ever been in the hospital If you haven't TRY NOT TO GO And if you have Then you already know 
I'm gonna say.... right off the bat..... Just leave your dignity at the front door Your modesty too 'Cause you won't have any left when they're through with you 
The first thing .... They hand you a little gown You will not win any awards for best dressed in town "Put the ties in the back" they say This is what I have found And I tell you this with the deepest conviction DO NOT TURN AROUND That's right Keep your back to the wall These gowns are a little "breezy" as I recall  Nighttime...... Soundly sleeping just like a baby Nurse wakes me up..... I was all comfy in my bed Is it something important she needs to do NO...... She is there to give me a SLEEPING PILL instead!!  
Makes sense, huh? I was ALREADY asleep She woke me up Now I'm laying there counting sheep You need good food to regain your strength What do they bring you? Some kind of concoction that tastes exactly like glue 
OH.... Heaven help you if you must use a bedpan Start ringing the nurse an hour BEFORE you need it I'm tellin' it to you straight 'Cause if you wait She'll bring it too late 
And if you do get it in time They never come to take it away Nope..... leave you sittin' on this thing for half the day 
This is my hospital tale of woe It is true..... they are only thinkin' about what's best But you need to go home if you want to get any rest 
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