Redneck Medical Terminology


Benign.................What you be after you be eight. Bacteria...............Back door to cafeteria. Barium.................What you do with dead folks. Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan................Searching for the cat. Cauterize...........Made eye contact with her. Colic...............A sheep dog. Coma................A punctuation mark. D&C.................Where Washington is. Dilate..............To live longer than your kids do. Enema..............Not a friend.
Fester.............Quicker than someone else.
Fibula.............A small lie.
G.I.Series.........World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on.

Impotent............Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work.
Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates.
Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake

Node.....................I knew it.
Outpatient...............A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis...................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative...........A letter carrier.

Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery.
Secretion........Hiding something
Tablet...........A small table to change babies on.
Seizure..........Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section

Terminal Illness....Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor...............More than one.
Urine...............Opposite of mine.
Varicose............Near by
Hospital............The biggest building in town,
other than Joe's feed warehouse
or Franks lumber mill.