LOVE THIS DOCTOR!!

For our health conscience friends ........

I love this Doctor.......

I recently asked several questions
and here were his responses:

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise
can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats,
and that's it...
Don't waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually.

Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;
that's like saying you can extend the life
of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more
fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.
What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.

So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.

Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can

give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.
Brandy is distilled wine,

that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you
get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat,
your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio i s two to one, etc .

Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ....
Foods are fried these
days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it.

How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting

a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle,
it gets bigger. You should only be doing
sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!
It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand -
chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat,
here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all
those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of
sausages and fats and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.